Dear Philosopher: How Can I Discover My Authentic Self?

On getting to know thyself and self-authoring your life story. Or just get out of an identity rut.

Questioner: I’ve been feeling a bit lost lately. I’ve faced some hard challenges that make me question everything and I don’t know if my reactions and opinions are actually mine. I think that growing up in a sheltered environment, I’ve just floated along and just accepted the opinions and beliefs of my family and friends. How do I begin to peel back these layers to find what truly resonates with me? How can I discover my own authentic self?

dPhilosopher: Not knowing anything about the hard challenges you have been facing, just know that interrogating what your reactions can teach you about yourself is really healthy. Philosophy can offer a path towards self-discovery and auto-esteem. I would like to start with the ideas of self-authorship and self-knowledge. Self-authorship, as developed by educational theorist Marcia Baxter Magolda, is the idea that individuals have the capacity to define their own values, beliefs, and identity, rather than having these aspects of themselves dictated by external sources. So let’s begin to explore the terrain of your own beliefs and values.

Know Thyself

The phrase “Know Thyself” is ancient and has its origins in Greek philosophy. It was famously inscribed at the entrance of the Temple of Apollo at Delphi, a sacred site known for its oracle. The idea behind “Know Thyself” is a call for self-awareness and introspection, encouraging individuals to understand their true nature, limitations, and potential. It serves as a foundational principle in philosophy, suggesting that true knowledge begins with the self. This concept has been central to much of Western philosophy and has influenced countless philosophical discussions about human nature, ethics, and personal development. How can we being to get to know ourselves, when we are so close to ourselves that it’s hard to see ourselves objectively? I believe emotions are our barometers, so begin by taking your temperature.

Ask yourself about the moments when you feel most at peace or most conflicted. These emotional responses can be clues to what you value and truly resonates within you, and you probably feel this in your body somewhere. For instance, think about a time when you felt a deep sense of calm, where were you? What did being calm feel like? Why did this setting bring you peace?

On the other hand, consider moments of conflict, such as feeling immediately frustrated when someone cuts you off in traffic, or similar. What does this irritation say about your values or stress levels? Where in your body does that frustration fester?

Next time you experience strong emotions, take note, because these emotions tell you a lot about yourself. Consider keeping a journal where you reflect on these moments, asking yourself questions like, ‘Why did I react this way? Is this strong reaction genuinely mine, based on my own experiences, or is it something I’ve been conditioned to feel?’ Below is an example journal entry:

“Today, at lunch, a colleague ordered a vegan meal, and I felt a strong sense of disapproval. This reaction was instantaneous and intense, but as I sat with my feelings, I began to wonder why I felt this way. I’ve never had a bad experience with vegan food; in fact, I’ve rarely tried it. Why then, did I react with disapproval?

I thought this over the afternoon, and I remembered how, growing up, there was a strong emphasis on ‘traditional’ meat-and-potato-type meals, and anything outside of this was often mocked or dismissed as a fad, ridiculous, and too restrictive ot be healthy. I realized that my reaction was not based on my own experiences with veganism and now I have to question if I know anything, really, about the health effects of plant-based foods or diets.”

This practice of self-inquiry is a step towards recognizing that all knowledge begins with knowing oneself, by documenting and reflecting on your emotional reactions, you can begin to figure out how your feelings may be influenced by external factors and may be secondary. You are beginning the work of identifying and getting rid of ideas that no longer serve you, and open yourself up to new ideas and ways of being. Through this, you will be able to deepen your self-awareness and ultimately, work towards living a more authentic life.

Accept the Challenge of The New

If you have led a sheltered life, as you say you have, try exposing yourself to a broader range of philosophies, cultures, and experiences can offer contrasting perspectives that challenge your inherited views. Each new perspective can act as a mirror, reflecting parts of yourself you might not have recognized before, helping you to sculpt your own, more authentic identity. Reading, traveling, going to a new part of town, and just talking to strangers while standing in line, can be catalysts to encountering new things. For example, as a photography enthusiast, I can tell you that a photography hobby is the perfect excuse to go out of your way to find something new to see and photograph. Like sounds and music? Go find new sounds to capture with a smartphone. Whatever you enjoy, double down on that. Do more of that, do that on a bigger scale.

The challenge: Set a goal to expose yourself to something new every week, go outside your comfort zones in small and larger ways. It can start by simply walking on the other side of the street from where you are used to walking, and talking in the different view. Go “shopping” just to try on clothes that you would normally not wear — be adventurous and outlandish with your choices, see how that feels. These smaller things can lead to bigger steps outside of your comfort zone.

Create Your Life’s Story

Self-authorship also means that you can write a narrative of your life that tells the story of who you are. You get to tell your own story, and it can even change over time as your idea of yourself changes. You can also have more than one, by the way — I have several stories about how I became a philosopher, and they are all equally valid. Start by listing the salient events or happenings in your life, place them in some reasonable order, and weave them together in a narrative. The narrative can be as true or fanciful as you wish — it’s your story! Write it out and read it out loud to yourself, or read it into a voice recorder so that you can hear it back. When you listen back to it, listen with all the generosity of a kind friend who loves you, and you might learn a little bit more about what makes you you.

If this is too hard to do (I know it’s a tricky exercise), you might try thinking of your ideal friend, or someone you already know who is in your comfort zone, and writing them an email telling them your story. This tends to take the pressure off, and lets you adopt a normal conversational tone. Do it more than once, in fact do it very day for a week, and then compare the stories. What elements of your story get repeated over and over again, day by day? Those are probably keys to how you view yourself and to your autobiography.

What Do You Know As You, Firsthand?

This last suggestion comes from a feminist epistemology (theories of knowledge) philosophy class that I took as an undergraduate. Think about all those experiences you have had, and ask yourself: What do you know based on your own experiences? Not second hand knowledge, not something you read in a book or saw on social media so that it is second hand knowledge. What do you know first hand, again, based on your own experiences? Write this down or talk it through in the ways already suggested above. Keep an account and add to it as you make new realizations. This will probably be harder than it appears at first. But it was one of my favorite assignments ever, no t only because I found it challenging, but because it was so enlightening in the end.

Let us know how it goes!

Summary

• Know Thyself: Engage in self-awareness and introspection to understand where your responses are coming from. Use your emotions as a barometer to gauge what truly resonates with you. Journaling is great way to put this into regular practice.
• Accept the Challenge of The New: Expose yourself to new philosophies, cultures, and experiences to challenge your inherited views and discover your authentic likes and dislikes.
• Create Your Life’s Story: Write a narrative of your life that reflects your identity, and then read it out loud or tell it to a friend. Remember, you can change your story over time to adapt to new self-perceptions.
• What Do You Know As You, Firsthand?: Reflect on what you know based on your own firsthand experiences, rather than information you’ve acquired from external sources.